Very little has been said about father/son relationship in MGTOW, and I feel that highlighting this father/son bond or lack of is paramount to carving a different future for men and generations of men to come. In order to venture into this future or this unknown path in betterment of men, we should see father/son relationships as one of the most important pieces left to complete The New Man; that special being that is to rise from the messy rubble of gynocentrism. The focus here is to highlight the factors surrounding those strained father/son relationships and help understand them better. Not only has the role of fathers at home changed in recent decades with more and more fathers choosing to stay home but fathers are getting more involved in their children’s lives. However, if the roles of fathers that preceded the changing role of the modern men is left unaddressed in a service to loosen the grip gynocentrism have on father/son relationships and sever its umbilical cord that has robbed sons of fatherly love and fathers of love and reverence from sons, the same mistakes would repeat themselves and the blame will continue to fall squarely on these men.
Many men this generation as well as past, if asked to explain, would laud their mothers as a strong woman adept in providing needed care. These men wouldn’t hesitate in telling you how she always ensures he is taken care of so that he wants for nothing. The same tone of gratitude would never extend to their father, instead these man would speak so stolid of his father who he barely sees because he’s out working in some soul destroying job or jobs, never mind that everything he enjoys from clothes on his back, to electricity, to shelter, tuition, groceries, that new bike, and more were all made happen by the blood and sweat sacrificed but never seen. The few men that may speak favorably of their fathers in comparison to their mothers would still leave room for the listening ears to notice the distance and the loosened edges the words used in describing his father creates; words that does very little to shorten the distance he feels towards the man who raised him. Then some men, without holding back, would spell out the strictness, borderline meanness, with which their fathers rule his household when he was growing up and how on those occasions he suffers the punishments his father dishes, care and nurture are only to be found under his mother’s caressed hands and warm bosom. And then there are those men who’d tell you about their father’s anger that never fail to rise with the sun at dawn or set with it when he gets back from work. They would grudgingly account for ways their fathers lashes out at the most inoffensive remark or gesture. Then with heavy hearts expressed in their saddened facial expressions, other men would account for how their fathers berated them endlessly and verbally abused them when they were young. Then there are those fathers chased out of their sons’ lives by the mother and her goons, the government, and in helplessness does very little to come back into it. Or those fathers that just left, period. Then what about the characters of those fathers whose son’s accomplishments is never enough until it is aligned with their own macho personality and way of thinking. The hyper-masculine fathers who never fail to relate to their sons the word they themselves has heard and lived all their lives, “man up!” They are the fathers who feels their son isn’t masculine enough until he maybe throws a football or get into a fight and beat another boy.
My goal isn’t to excuse these fathers of their behaviors or what they did, but to open a new discourse in an attempt to understand these men better, these fathers, their burden, and perhaps find some healing within that understanding and maybe, just maybe, prevent The New Man from making the same mistake when relating to his own son. Besides, these fathers are the closest blue-pill mangina and tradcons to us and the only ones we perhaps have some type of obligation to.
*I’m prefacing this with a clear understanding that nothing said in this article is geared in defense of those few men who mentally or sexually abuse their sons*
As an 8 ball, that anomaly in all living entity homologous to nature, I never felt this urge of procreation as many men do. I never liked children (only from the distance), they aren’t all that “cute” to me and I find them excruciatingly boring. I care very little for how humanity or how the world turns out long after I shut my eyes to it. It’s my belief that every generation must fend for itself and right the wrongs of the generations prior just like MGTOW minded men are doing. However, even though this is the course I’ve chosen for my life as a MGTOW, and even though I’m not saddled with this worry as other men with children, it is my confession that I’ve been at the end of those unfavorable treatments from the first man I opened my eyes in this world. He did all the things society expect fathers to do. He was a provider and a protector, well read and meticulous in thinking. He did all that society demanded of him. He held two PhDs, was a published author, and was quite revered by his colleagues, but as his son I never felt any type of connection to or love from him. The distance between him and I was only altered by sporadic conversations and rare pats on the head in a display of affection when I do something affable to his nature. I hated his guts growing up and my revenge was always to express apathy to things he finds important or worthy. I read his books and even though I deeply respect his creativity in writing and his accomplishments, as a child I had to hold up a shield of apathy to make him feel even an ounce of what I felt towards him. But after some time I began to see things clearly. The older I got it occurred to me that I never saw any trace of happiness in the old man. He was always distant and closed-off but this was not only meant to wall off people he considered ignorant who aren’t as intellectually on par but the distance made room to contemplate his own failures. He once divulged to me with tired eyes, as if reminiscing a lost love, one of his dreams growing up and how he never had the chance to chase it because he succumbed to outside pressure and got married really young. He said it in secret, a secret made vivid by the odor of liquor in his breath, actively fighting dehiscence of a wound that refused to remain closed. But what is weirder is that I understood him more than he could’ve put into words. I began to understand the circumstances that left a void in all the things he was helpless in making happen. He was a workaholic which made him tired and grumpy most times but he provided well for me and my brothers. It’s just unfortunate that the hand that provided often times hid the hand that was more than capable of giving love. But I really came to understand. I really did.
These groups of men are only victims of their own ignorance. They were ignorant of the rules that bind their gender and even when they sniff the wrong of these rules that made their lives arduous they lack the courage to question the heavy hands with which those rules commands. Those heavy hands and those rules carve these men’s plots in life which is to work and be of use to everybody else but themselves. Responsibility is theirs and theirs only and they must be responsible. These men never question why responsibility reek of servitude? They never wonder why responsibility to anyone other than themselves is nothing but muck of slavery? By the time they realize they too are human beings and not just doings they often find it’s too late. They find that time is gone and that bright sun is beginning to give way to the shade that eventually seal close the envelope of life. They suddenly realize what’s left of their lives is routine, paying bills, working long hours with minimum pay, working when they don’t want to work, rearing children they may not have wanted in the first place, bind to an unhappy marriage they can’t get out of without losing everything and their minds, or afraid of a wife that is entitled to his life if she decides to call it quit. They acquire everything respectability requires but are devoid of any fulfillment in it, and as a result these men resign to their fate. Secretly, they know they are merely utilities and therefore disposable, and in order to avoid that cold reality they delude themselves by contorting meaning out of it that shameful fatuity of responsibility. But responsibility does very little to mitigate the daily fatigue that results from the rigorous day work or the perspiration that is spent in acquiring it. To unwind they unleash on the one person that is to become disposable like they did, their son, and because this young soul is partly responsible for the responsibility they were forced to take on, he becomes the target for their emotional outburst. The rules that bind these men also bind their sons and only their sons, hence why they treat sons austerely and often worse than they do daughters. Hence why sons carry more responsibilities than daughters.
One has to wonder, didn’t these men had big dreams at a very young age just like their sons are bound to dream some day? They are now left to contemplate where it went. I believe the reason young boys dream big dreams, of becoming pilots, doctors, astronauts, fireman is because the reality that is to erode those dreams of which their developing body is the driver isn’t yet set in place. And society is to ensure that this happens by conditioning him through the help of his father so he can grow up to be the man society wants him to be.
This particular friend of mine, 27, works construction, and he’s on his 5th kid. His wife gave birth to the 5th child two months ago. He called me on my way to the store to tell me his wife gave birth and request a ride to the hospital because he’d left his truck at the hospital the previous night. On our way to the hospital, amidst a relaxed jovial conversation, he told me it’s his wife’s idea to have the 4th and the 5th kid. He only wanted 3 children. He works 6 days a week and had to commute 90 minutes to work some days depending on the site. He told me not too long ago that he’s lost most sensation in his left ring and pinky fingers and all sensation in the middle finger of the right and that he’s tired all the time. Because of that he’s drinking more and smoking more cigarettes than he ever did. I told him to slow down that work is killing him but he jokingly glossed over my remarks with “you know how she is, man. Besides, kids gotta eat.” Each time I’m at his house, even though he love those kids, he’s barking at the boys about playing too much while the girls are free to make noise and jump around. On those rare days he’s in a “good mood,” he’s rough-housing the boys who often times look on importunately as if to say they’d rather be doing something different.
Some abuse suffered by victims are only reflections of the abuse suffered by the perpetrator. Some men are only victims of the abuse from their own mother as evidenced by this post I came across on a forum. His response to the mistreatments he suffered in the hands of his father…
“Was it all his fault? No, not entirely. I was diagnosed as bipolar this past summer, and I can see clearly a long history of mental health issues going back to past generations in my father’s family, so I believe there is a genetic, biological component to this. But there is also an environmental component. In my father’s case, although I have no evidence, I have long conjectured that he was the victim of sexual abuse by his mother, because of things he did as an adult, and things I witnessed as a child in his interactions with her.”
Then there are those men who walked away from their sons, a faulty response to a problem beyond their powers. The only thing these men who walk away from their children are guilty of is not having the chance to make their case, but one has to wonder if they had the chance would their case be heard? The real question that need to be asked is, did these men even want kids in the first place? Most of them had the news of pregnancy sprung on them like strings of thunder that precedes a bitter rain. Powerless against a woman’s wish to keep the child and powerless against her irresponsibility, no viable option is presented him than the option to either stay and relinquish what is left of his freedom or escape responsibilities forced upon him. The ones who stay grumblingly does because the alternative is worse. Forcing these men into fatherhood is equal to forcing them into loving and providing for something they never sign off on to begin with. He was not ready, he didn’t want it, and he could not afford it, but he cannot do anything about it because it’s her will. Society relieves women of all the responsibilities forced on him to carry, hers and his. Whether he leaves or stay his reputation’s gone to shit when relating to his children while that of the mother is made angelic and this is so because the decision that changed his life was made against his will. If he leaves he is considered a deadbeat and if he stays it would reflect in his strained relationship with his son. These men are made out to be bad when in reality they are victims.
But what of the militant and macho ways some fathers raise their sons? All that men hear growing up is “man up.” With those two words a man is not allowed a moment’s weakness or expression of any vulnerability. A man is to be strong and stoic. He is only to smile but not too much, laugh but not out loud. He is to show nothing but strength and operate accordingly. Upon his shoulders all other heads rest, perpetually denied the chance to lower his own in tiredness or fatigue. Of course he never question why he is hated when all he wanted to do is put down the armor of strength placed on him just once so he could express his emotion and spill some water for things he had bottled up inside. He becomes accustomed to his conditioned identity and set out to raise his son as such, a doing; an entity with no emotion; a robot. So he allows his daughter to cry and vent but not his son. She is allowed to be violent towards him but never to retaliate and most of all he shouldn’t cry about the injustice. So what his son is not allowed to defend himself and when tears is all he could afford to relieve pent up anger and frustration of helplessness, he’s not even allowed to do that. “Man up, boy.” “Don’t be a sissy.” “You laugh too much.” “You’re never serious.” “Boy, what’s wrong with you?” “Goddamit! Be a man, son!” “You better not cry.” “Protect your sister, son.” “What did I say, boy?” “You are to take care of your mother, son, now that I’m not capable.” “Walk it off!” “Don’t be a sissy, son.” “Put down the book and go outside.” “Football, son. Football!” “We win in this house, son, we don’t lose!” “I said walk it off!” “You are a man, act like it, damn it!” “Men don’t cry.” “Stop it!” “Stop acting like a girl.” “Be a man.”
The umbilical cord strengthens stretching and reaching farther and farther into the future, entangling the next generation of men only to be duplicated by them and send forth again and again. No one ever told these men to eschew the conditioned identity attached to their gender, no one ever told them it’s OK to eschew all responsibility that is not to themselves. No one ever told them nor did it ever occur to them to never get married. No one ever told them that they are only good as long as they are of use, not to themselves but to society and its women. No one ever told them that women are incapable of love, only conditional adoration. It didn’t occur to them that their sons are bound to suffer the same fate as them for being males.
But a crack is beginning to show like the dawn of a new day, like the rose no one thought would ever sprout out of a concrete. MGTOW minded men, The New Men, are severing those umbilical cords by asking the necessary questions, debilitating the answers provided by their culture, shedding the ego, revising and rewriting roles men has forever been given. MGTOW minded men are thinning out the cord at both ends and carving a new future for The New Man.
It should be stated that vast majority of fathers aren’t like this. As a matter of fact, vast majority of men dearly love their children and care very well for them. Moreover, studies have shown children fare far better under single fathers compared to single mothers, showing that not only is paternal role pertinent to a child’s development but it cannot be substituted. Any attempt to substitute it or enforce it will only end in disaster, either for the man or for his son. But to the set of fathers that fall under the category of men described above, the aim is to understand them and maybe take some of the blame off them and lay them where they belong and recognize that these men are merely victims of the precarious choices offered to them. There is nothing to forgive or forget, only to understand, only to understand the circumstances beyond the power of these men and conditions beyond their means to face them. To the men out there raising sons, the preferred way is to raise these young men to be MGTOW minded and not make the mistakes of men of old who, due to societal conditioning, raised the men after them to be soulless husks who helplessly donned the demented image of a man put together by sick gynocentric culture, basically a copy of what they see in themselves and how they were treated and mistreated. But most of all to heal some of the wounds…